James Van Der Beek shares how cancer battle affected his marriage and family after he came ‘nose to nose with death’

James Van Der Beek reflected on the impact his cancer diagnosis has had on his marriage and his family.

“It has been the hardest year of my life, and I wanted to share something that I learned with y’all,” the “Dawson’s Creek” alum began in a recent video on Instagram, in which he celebrated his 48th birthday.

Van Der Beek admitted that he used to define himself as an “actor,” which he never found to be very “fulfilling,” but then embraced more his roles as a husband and father.

“I could define myself then as a capable, loving, strong, supportive husband, father, provider, steward of the land we’re so lucky to live on,” he added.

“And for a long time, that felt like a really good answer to the question, ‘Who am I?’”

However, Van Der Beek explained that he was forced to look at his “own mortality in the eye” when doctors found he has Stage 3 colorectal cancer last year.

“I had to come nose to nose with death,” he said, pointing out that treatment took him away from his loved ones for long periods of time so he “could no longer be the husband that was helpful to [his] wife.”

“I could no longer be a father, who could pick up his kids and put them and be there for them,” Van Der Beek — who shares six children with his wife, Kimberly Van Der Beek — added.

The “Varsity Blues” star, who last November said he was selling merch from the film to help pay for his medical needs, continued in his video, “I could not be a provider because I wasn’t working.”

However, James then came to the conclusion, “I am worthy of God’s love, simply because I exist. And if I’m worthy of God’s love, shouldn’t I also be worthy of my own?”

Kimberly, 43, wrote in a post of her own on Instagram how much she considers her husband a “treasure” despite the shortcomings he believes he has because of his illness.

“I feel like the luckiest lady in the world to be married to you,” the film producer said alongside a series of photos of James and memories they have shared together.

She concluded, “May this year bring you so much laughter, dancing, deepening connection with God, exceptional health and exquisite beauty all around- plus of course- family snuggles, sunrises, sunsets, play and restorative rest.”

James and Kimberly have been married since August 2010. They share Olivia, 14, Joshua, 13, Annabel, 11, Emilia, 8, Gwendolyn, 6, and Jeremiah, 2.