A look back at Hayden Panettiere’s ‘nightmare’ decision to give up custody of daughter Kaya

Hayden Panettiere cherished her relationship with her daughter, Kaya, before her tragic death on Sunday at age 36.

Shortly after the “Heroes” alum welcomed Kaya in 2014 with ex-fiancé Wladimir Klitschko, Panettiere began battling severe postpartum depression and addiction.

That led Panettiere to give Klitschko, who is 13 years older than the actress, full custody of Kaya.

“I remember every second of that day. Every f—ing second,” she wrote of the custody decision in her memoir, “This Is Me: A Reckoning,” adding, “No mother could forget a single thing about the day she signed her child away.”

Three months before Panettiere’s passing, she gushed over her “incredible bond” with her daughter on Jay Shetty’s “On Purpose” podcast.

“I go travel as much as I can. I see her. I do spend a lot of time on FaceTime with her, but we talk about really deep things,” she said about Kaya, who lives in Ukraine with Klitschko, in May.

She added, “We have a really intense, incredible bond and I’m very grateful for that.”

Keep reading to learn all about Panettiere’s relationship with daughter Kaya.

Panettiere gave birth to Kaya in 2014

Panettiere welcomed Kaya on Dec. 9, 2014, over a year after the “Nashville” star announced her engagement to Klitschko.

Kaya was born in Hawaii and weighed 7 lbs., 14 oz., and measured 20 inches long, Panettiere’s rep confirmed at the time.

“We are over the moon and madly in love!” Panettiere said in a statement to People.

While promoting her memoir in May, Panettiere recalled how she almost died from hemorrhaging during childbirth.

“I was sitting there and getting the C-section, and I knew that I was knocking on death’s doorstep,” she told E! News. “I just had the most motherly moment though, where I said, ‘God, please let me hear my daughter cry. I just want to know that she is OK and if it’s my time to go, I’m OK with that.’”

Panettiere, who underwent seven blood transfusions and managed to overcome an infection, said she was prepared to sacrifice herself  “in a second” to make sure Kaya was OK.

“I wasn’t afraid at all,” she shared.

Panettiere was diagnosed with postpartum depression when Kaya was 4 months old

Panettiere received her postpartum depression diagnosis four months after giving birth to Kaya.

The first time she talked about her postpartum struggles was during her September 2015 appearance on “Live! with Kelly and Michael.”

“It’s something a lot of women experience,” she said at the time. “When [you’re told] about postpartum depression, you think it’s ‘I feel negative feelings towards my child, I want to injure or hurt my child’ — I’ve never, ever had those feelings. Some women do.

“But you don’t realize how broad of a spectrum you can really experience that on. It’s something that needs to be talked about. Women need to know that they’re not alone, and that it does heal.”

The following month, Panettiere announced she was seeking help at a treatment facility, forcing her to briefly step away from her role on “Nashville.”

In her memoir, Panettiere explained how her postpartum depression affected her ability to bond with Kaya.

“I’d always heard that mothers feel an instant rush of love the moment they lay their eyes on their baby, but I felt nothing,” she wrote.

The “Bring It On: All or Nothing” star turned to alcohol to cope with her struggles.

 “I needed a drink to function—at 6:00 a.m.—and that was f—ed. If I didn’t get some help as soon as possible, I was f—ed,” she said in her book.

In her E! News interview, Panettiere said she thought alcohol would “fix” her postpartum depression, but it only “made everything worse.”

Panettiere gave up custody of Kaya in 2018

Still struggling with postpartum and addiction, Panettiere gave up custody of Kaya in 2018.

“It was a nightmare,” she previously told US Weekly of the day she signed the custody papers. “It was a living nightmare, and I felt so out of control. There’s nothing that I could do about it.”

Panettiere added in her book, “I remember every second of that day. Every f—ing second. No mother could forget a single thing about the day she signed her child away.”

Elsewhere in her memoir, Panettiere explained that she relinquished custody to Klitschko because the legal battle would’ve “destroyed me psychologically at a time when my heart and soul were weaker than they’d ever been.”

Panettiere denied she abandoned Kaya

On Shetty’s podcast, Panettiere addressed the most painful misconception regarding her experience as a mom.

“I mean, the idea that anybody would think that I would just give away my child and be okay with it is heartbreaking,” she stated. “Couldn’t be farther from the truth.”

The “Ice Princess” star continued, “That was incredibly difficult. The fact that my child wasn’t going to be with me all day, every day was … you can’t put words to it. It’s just a really intense feeling or multiple feelings really layered together.”

Panettiere also explained that “by the time I finally got healthy,” Kaya had fully adapted to her life in Europe.

“I felt like it would have been unfair of me to, and selfish of me to try to pull her out of this life that she had been [creating], this life that she had been living,” she shared. “An incredible life.”

Panettiere gave an update on Kaya before her death.

“She’s an incredible little girl. So happy and speaks five languages,” Panettiere said about Kaya on Shetty’s podcast.

Panettiere also said her daughter “knows that she’s got two parents that love her and I know in my heart that she feels supported.”

Speaking to parenting magazine Momé in July for what was her final interview, Panettiere called Kaya her “mini me” and said she’s “so proud of the young woman she is becoming.”

“I talk to her all the time, and I feel so connected to her,” Panettiere said. “One day she’ll understand my story, and why I wasn’t able to be with her all the time.” 

Panettiere expressed hope for the future of her relationship with Kaya

Before her death, Panettiere felt confident she and Kaya would have more opportunities to spend time together.

“I always miss her. I always want to have my arms wrapped around her,” the “Remember the Titans” star said on Shetty’s podcast. “But that’s not the way life is right at this moment.

“But I do believe there will be a day where she’s an adult and she’s able to make her own decisions and go wherever she wants and I have faith that she is going to come to me and that we’re gonna have an incredible relationship and bond and friendship that a lot of parents don’t get to have with their kids,” she added.

If you or someone you care about is affected by any of the issues raised in this story, call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).