Doechii Reveals the Empowering Reason She Was Able to Overcome Suicidal Thoughts: ‘I Made a Choice’

Even successful, Grammy-winning musicians like Doechii experience low mental health.

In a new cover story interview with The Cut, the “Denial Is a River” rapper recalled the empowering way she was able to overcome suicidal thoughts during a tough time in sixth grade.

“I don’t want to get super-dark,” Doechii told the outlet. “I was getting bullied so bad that I was thinking about killing myself.”

However, she was able to change her perspective. “I realized, ‘Oh, f—, I’m gonna kill myself and then I’m gonna be the only one dead.’ The bullies aren’t gonna be with me, and everything they said is not coming with me either,” said the performer. “I would just be gone.”

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“And then I was like, ‘F— that!'” detailed Doechii. “‘F— that s—! I’m not going for that!’ And this wash of peace came over me, and I received ‘I am Doechii.’”

She explained the message like it came directly from God, so she wrote down the phrase. “But it was more like this feeling of — ‘I made a choice, a decision. I am the most important character in this movie. This is my motherf—ing movie,'” said the star.

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Earlier this month, Doechii won her first Grammy in the best rap album category for her mixtape, Alligator Bites Never Heal. In her acceptance speech, she spoke about being the third woman to win the award following Lauryn Hill and Cardi B.

Elsewhere in her Cut interview, the “Alter Ego” musician spoke about the importance of being transparent in her lyrics — citing Hill as an inspiration.

“The feeling that I have when I listen to The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill is the same feeling I want some other Black little girl to have when she listens to me,” said Doechii. “And in order for her to have that feeling, I have to talk about my feelings.”

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988, text “STRENGTH” to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 or go to 988lifeline.org.