Luann de Lesseps Is Spilling on Sex at 60, All the Men She’s Loved Before, Mourning ‘RHONY’ and More (Exclusive)

Luann de Lesseps is aging in reverse. At home in Sag Harbor, New York, the 60-year-old Real Housewives of New York City icon is wrinkle-free and snatched — but that’s not the most impressive thing about her.

She has an unmistakable joie de vivre and a mischievous spirit. Most former Housewives disappear into obscurity when the reality spotlight fades, but De Lesseps is booked, busy and thriving. She’s reinvented herself as a cabaret star, with upcoming dates on her Lu-Niverse Show into next year and as far-flung as Australia.

It’s not just her career that’s red-hot. De Lesseps has never hidden her sex-positive outlook, and that hasn’t changed with age. Earlier this year, she starred in season 1 of the dating show Bravo’s Love Hotel, where she did on screen what she does in life: try men on for size and move on when they don’t fit.

Instead of fading into the background, she’s unapologetically taking center stage. “I’m living my best life, and there just happens to be a six in front of my age,” which, she admits with a laugh, “I’m not thrilled about. But it doesn’t interfere with the way I live my life.” 

Practically nothing does. She’s picked herself up and dusted herself off literally — after falling into a bush on an infamous RHONY trip to Mexico in 2017 — and metaphorically, after an arrest the same year for disorderly conduct and other charges. You simply cannot keep a good countess down.

The Connecticut native — one of seven kids — initially pursued a nursing career, but fate had other plans: The 5-foot-10 bombshell was scouted to be a model on the streets of New York at 23. An unlikely stint as cohost of an Italian soccer show followed — as did a marriage to Count Alexandre de Lesseps in 1993 (they have two kids, Victoria, 30, and Noel, 29) — and in 2008, she was asked to join the cast of the NYC franchise of a relatively new reality show. The Real Housewives of Orange County had premiered two years earlier on Bravo, but De Lesseps had never seen it. “If I had, I don’t know if I would have done the show,” she confesses. “I didn’t really know what I was getting into.”

For 13 seasons. RHONY fans were gripped by her story line, which included two divorces, a stint in rehab and her reinvention as a campy, cult-status cabaret star. “A great sense of humor is life-saving,” she says. Now, in her seventh decade, the Countess is happier — and hornier — than ever. 

Sitting down with Us, she spills RHONY tea, her plans for the future and, of course, some fiery details about the men — and women — in her life.

What advice would you give to women in midlife who want to thrive like you?

If you don’t think you’re great, nobody else will. Being interested is what makes you interesting. Put yourself in the right place, and you can draw attention and chemistry around you. Just say yes.

Is your sex drive at an all-time high?

My sex drive is really good. What can I tell you, I love boys! At this age, we have to deal with menopause and all that, but some have it worse than others. It’s really never been my problem.

What’s your favorite thing about men? 

They’re just so much easier than women. Women are so much more difficult. Guys just want affection. They want love. They want to be nurtured, and I’m a nurse. It goes back to my nursing, which is, I like to take care of people. I like to take care of boys, you know? I like to cook, I like to play sports. I’m kind of a personality. Cooking is a very sexy thing to do together — it’s a very flirty place. Sports is something where you can connect with a guy, right? “Oh, she can go skiing or she can play tennis.” I speak several languages, so I find [myself] speaking sometimes Italian or French with somebody that’s European in New York. That’s our best bet as girls — go to Europe. Because girls are always asking, How do you meet guys? And I’m like, well, sometimes you’ve got to get out of your comfort zone and ake a trip and take a class, take a French lesson. Put yourself in a place where you’re going to meet different people and change it up. If you don’t change, your life is never going to change, so I try to live by that rule. It’s like, if I want to change this, I’ve got to change myself, because that’s when the change really happens. 

What’s your best sexual experience?

One of my favorite nights was, “Be cool. Don’t be like, all uncool [in season 7].”We’re in Turks and Caicos, filming, the girls have gone to bed. Ramona [Singer] and I go out and find these handsome guys from London and bring them back to the house. Ramona takes off to the beach with her guy, and I take mine straight to bed. Then I say, “Oh, 3 o’clock in the morning, you’ve got to go because I’m filming tomorrow,” so he leaves. What I don’t know is that Ramona let her guy sleep upstairs. The next morning [when everybody freaked out about my having a stranger stay over], I wish I would have said, “That guy upstairs is not my guy, it’s Ramona’s guy.”

Do you remember your first sexual experience?

I actually was a late bloomer. I didn’t have sex till I was 18 and senior prom. I mean, how typical. And one tip I learned is I don’t want to have first-time sex in a car. It’s very uncomfortable.

And then you had a fiancé when you were working as a nurse in Connecticut, right? 

He wanted to marry me. Dodged a bullet. It’s a crazy story, but I tell this in my cabaret show. I come in, I was gonna surprise him after a nursing shift, and I walk in and he’s getting a b*** j** from a drag queen, but a really unattractive drag queen. So guess what? A drag queen saved my life. I gotta make that into a song. (Singing) “This night a drag queen saved my life…”

Tell us about some of your other past partners. 

[Former New York Met and Seinfeld star] Keith Hernandez and I dated for six months, and then I moved to Europe and met the Count. At the start, I had no idea who he was. We were out, and people asked for his autograph. I said, ‘Are you famous?’ He loved that about me.” Other famous people like it when you don’t know they’re famous.

You mentioned your ex, Count Alexandre de Lesseps. 

He was the love of my life. We got married after two weeks; 16 years, two beautiful children who are called De Lesseps, so I’m keeping the title, bitches. I earned it. I was devastated when we got divorced. I wanted to run my car into a tree so he’d come home. 

What about Jacques Azoulay, who we also know from Housewives?

I love Jacques. I’d rather have Jacques as my friend for life than a relationship that isn’t working. He still sends me his wine. It’s very good.

You know we have to ask about Tom D’Agostino Jr.

Tom is a good guy, he just wasn’t the right guy for me. I don’t think he knew how to be married. I learned to pay attention to red flags, because love is blind. I was in love with Tom.

And can we finally settle the Pirate debate? Did you or did you not sleep with the Pirate — a.k.a. Tomas Ribiero — in St. Barths?

Listen, if I F’ed the Pirate, I would wear it like a badge of honor at this point in my life. [My hot-mic moment] was a white lie that snowballed. I was dating Jacques at the time — never mind dating, I was living with Jacques for many years. 

You mentioned red flags with Tom — what are some of yours?

Men who are looking the other way, if you’re sitting with them at dinner and their heads are turning to see who’s coming in the door.

And green flags?

Confidence, success. A man who is kindhearted, who adores me — somebody like James [Quine] from Love Hotel.

What’s happening with him?

I love James, I just don’t love where James lives. I can get to Paris quicker than I can get to Hawaii. When we meet up, it’s great, because we adore each other. We keep in touch, text all the time.

Do you believe you’ve already met your soulmate or are you still looking?

I’m dating. I believe in romance, in love. I’m a hopeless romantic.

Would you get married again?

If a man were to step into my life and sweep me off my feet, I don’t know if would say no to that.

What does being an OG Real Housewife of NYC mean to you?

We put the show on the map. Housewives moves very fast, so you have to be on your toes. We made it look easy, but it was not easy.

What made your cast so special?

We did more in one week than a full season of any other franchise. We have big personalities, and we really became friends. That makes a big difference in terms of what franchises work or not. 

What’s your current relationship status with the RHONY women?

Ramona and I went through a lot of hard times on the show — if I had a fight with Ramona, it would bother me, but we’ve totally turned a corner in terms of our friendship. Dorinda [Medley] and I have always been tight. I was just at Blue Stone Manor [Medley’s iconic Berkshires estate]. We’ve had our moments — Jovani, Cartagena — but the authentic off-camera friendship is still there. I don’t see Sonja [Morgan] much because she’s living in West Palm Beach, as far as I know. Sonja will text when there’s a deal to be made. We all had lunch this summer, and she was still mad at Dorinda for not inviting her to Blue Stone Manor that one year.

Did you watch the season 14 reboot with the new cast?

I watched the first couple episodes, and quite frankly, I was a little bored. The new cast is great, they’re just not us.

Was there anyone you thought was good, or the opposite?

I like Erin [Lichy], and I loved Brynn [Whitfield]. Jenna Lyons didn’t really share her life. I did hear from Brynn that the cameras would go down and then the girls would come out. They were more fearful.

How would you fix it?

Combine the cast. Put the OGs with the newbies.

How did you feel when you were told your version of RHONY was done?

It was like a death, because it’s all I’d known for 13 years. A certain part of my life was over and I wasn’t going to see my girls, so that was really hard. And to be not appreciated for all the work we put in over the years to make the show huge, that was difficult. 

Did you think, This is it, I’m finished?

I never thought that. I thought, I’m going to move on to something bigger and better. Cabaret saved my life — financially, spiritually and creatively. I was making well into seven figures while I was doing Housewives, and I’m doing just as well in cabaret.

You’re making a million dollars a year?

I’m keeping up with what I used to make, yes.

Is there anything you regret filming?

I don’t have a regret about Tom; people always ask me about Tom. [De Lesseps’ whirlwind romance and 2016 marriage to D’Agostino Jr. played out on the show. The two divorced in 2017.] Life is hard enough, and living it out on Housewives is not easy, but as my mentor from Milan, Princess Patricia, said, “If people aren’t talking about you, you might as well be dead.” At my cabaret show, I show a video of all the worst things that ever happened to me, including the arrest and finding out about [Tom’s infidelity]. It’s remarkable that you can watch that, then sing! I self-deprecate. My mug shot is my biggest seller for merch — that T-shirt flies out the door. I screwed up, everybody screws up. It’s not about how you screw up, it’s about how you get up.

Have you watched back those episodes?

No, I don’t want to live through it again. I live forward-thinking. I look at the past as learning, and I feel fortunate, because who else has a living photo album of their life? 

When you were arrested, did you wish you could deal with it privately?

Obviously I would have preferred not to, but I shared it with America. They came to get me from rehab, and I have no shame in that, because my relationship with alcohol from that period has changed a lot. I was sober for years. Now I drink on occasion.

Do you consider yourself an alcoholic?

No. I’ve learned how to balance my drinking. I don’t drink martinis anymore — vodka and I are not friends. I’ll have wine at dinner and drink socially, but I’m not drinking the way I used to. It was a volume issue, for sure.

Is fame like a drug?

It is.

Are you addicted?

I’m totally addicted. I’ve been addicted since I got a bite. I love it.

Were you worried it would fade when you weren’t on the show anymore?

I didn’t think about it that way, because I did Crappie Lake [the 2023 RHONY spinoff with former costar Morgan], then Love Hotel, and between those, it’s cabaret. I’m less famous, but I’m the right kind of famous.

And now you’re friends with Tilda Swinton, who introduced you at your February performance at London’s Adelphi Theatre!

It was, like, a moment in my life. Shoot me, I can go to heaven. Tilda’s a fan of mine — she watches Housewives —and so she came to my show, and then she came to the Koko Club. We had a party after the show, and she came to me. She goes ‘Darling, you do spread so much joy… but you must be exhausted.’ She goes, ‘Have you been to Scotland? Come to my humble abode, just for a couple of days, and I’ll take care of you. We’re going to cook. We’re going to have haggis and all these things.’ 

And did you???

I took her up on it, and we had the most incredible time. She had some friends staying with her, and she had a friend who played the bagpipes for us. 

You also met Hugh Grant.

He’s always been a heartthrob of mine. I knew he was going to be at this restaurant in the Hamptons, so I had myself seated right behind him. Then I pushed my chair into him, and went, “I’m so sorry. Can I buy you a drink?” He accepted it, so before you know it, we were having shots at the table. Confidence is the most important thing; flirting, letting people know you like them.

Would you ever consider being the Golden Bachelorette?

Hell, yeah, I’d love to; that would be great. Throw those boys at me, I’m ready!

You look amazing. Have you had a facelift?

No, I do Botox and injections. I need a facelift, darling.

You do not. Would you have one?

Maybe, I’m not sure. It scares me a little bit, and guys will say to me, “Oh no, please don’t touch your face.” I’m trepidatious about it.

You’ve been through so much and always triumphed. Do you feel invincible now?

I don’t feel invincible, I just feel like I’m in the driver’s seat.