Tamra Judge Says Teddi Mellencamp’s Cancer Diagnosis Left Her in a ‘Tailspin’: RHOC ‘Didn’t Matter to Me’ (Exclusive)

Teddi Mellencamp’s stage 4 cancer diagnosis had strong emotional impact on her best friend, Tamra Judge.

The Real Housewives of Orange County star, 57, admits during an exclusive conversation with PEOPLE that she struggled while filming season 19 of the hit Bravo show, knowing what Mellencamp was going through.

“One week into filming, Teddi got sick,” Judge recalls. “So it really put me in a tailspin. And it was a very difficult season.”

It sure was. As fans know, things got so bad for Judge that she seemingly quit the show, posting on Instagram back in March that she was “out” and leaving the cast’s trip to New Orleans early. “It was a long run!” she wrote. “When life gives you real problems, this reality s— doesn’t make sense.”

Judge’s departure was short-lived. As fans saw in previews for the Aug. 21 episode, she returned to the series days after leaving, confessing that she felt a lack of support from her costars despite everything she was going through off-camera.

Filming amid Mellencamp’s health crisis, Judge tells PEOPLE, was “absolutely horrible.”

Mellencamp confirmed she had been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in April after her melanoma metastasized to her brain and lungs. Days before learning of her condition, she and Judge had been traveling to New Orleans together — the same place the RHOC cast went on their trip.

“It was the worst thing,” Judge recalls. “Just to try to wrap your brain around it. One of your best friends is fighting for their life, and you’re in the place the two of you were in together before she got sick.”

“It’s not like we’re just friends, we have built a business together,” Judge adds of her Two Ts In A Pod co-host Mellencamp. “And it was very difficult. It was all happening in real time. So the stuff that was going on in the show didn’t matter to me, because all I could think about was her.” 

That’s what drove Judge to flee. “I had a hard time.” she says. “I did walk away. I was like, ‘I just can’t do this.’ I don’t have it in me.’ ”

Judge had every intention not to return to the show. But producers on the show, including Andy Cohen, encouraged her to take a break before making the final call.

“They said, ‘Listen, we know that you’re going through a really hard time. Just take a week off,’ ” she remembers. “‘You need to just relax, and then make a decision.’ ”

The time off proved to be beneficial for Judge. “I listened,” she recounts. “I went and saw Teddi — who I just couldn’t see because I was so busy filming. And then I went to my house at Big Bear Lake, and just played in the snow with my dog and [my husband] Eddie. And just tried to have a good time and not think about it.”

With her head clear, Judge finally allowed herself the time to think, “Do I want to continue this?”

It was only with the encouragement of Mellencamp that she decided to return.

“For the record, Teddi’s the one that told me to get my ass back into the game,” she explains. “She’s the one that said, ‘Listen, if I’m not a quitter, you’re not going to be a quitter.’ So I said, ‘Okay, I’m not a quitter, and I decided, you know, ultimately, let’s go back.’ ” 

Judge has nothing but praise for Mellencamp, calling her “the strongest person I’ve ever met in my entire life.” 

“She’s a beautiful person inside and out,” she adds. “She’s fighting the fight. And it’s a horrible fight to fight. And I’m just praying that she gets through this and gets on the other side and she’s got good days and she’s got bad days.”

As for Judge, she sees this season of RHOC as a time of “growth and change.” She adds that she came away “knowing who my friends are, and knowing who my friends are not.”

She teases that fans are “definitely going to see a different side of me,” but notes that she’s not doing work on herself to please them. “If I’ve learned anything from what Teddi’s going through it’s to hold the people you love close in your life,” she says. “That’s who I want to be better for, and no one else.”

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The Real Housewives of Orange County airs Thursdays at 9 p.m. ET on Bravo.