James Van Der Beek Reflects on Coming ‘Nose to Nose With Death’ Amid Cancer Battle

James Van Der Beek has reflected on how tough the past year has been after he was diagnosed with stage 3 colorectal cancer

The actor, 48, shared how his health battle caused him to question his worth and place and described how his cancer has impacted his wife and family via a recent Instagram video.

(Van Der Beek has been married to his wife Kimberley since 2010 and the couple share six children: Olivia, 14, Joshua, 13, Annabel, 11, Emilia, 8, Gwendolyn, 6, Jeremiah, 2.)

“It has been the hardest year of my life and I wanted to share something that I learned with y’all,” Van Der Beek began in the video posted to mark his 48th birthday. “When I was younger I used to define myself as an actor, which was never really all that fulfilling. And then I became a husband and that was much better. And then I became a father and that was the ultimate.”

Van Der Beek explained that defining himself as a “loving, capable, strong, supportive husband, father, provider, steward of the land” was important to him. According to Van Der Beek, his cancer threw off that solid definition he held so dearly.

“And then this year, I had to look my own mortality in the eye. I came nose to nose with death,” he said.  “All of those definitions that I cared so deeply about were stripped from me. I was away for treatment so I could no longer be a husband who was helpful to my wife. I could no longer be a father who could pick up his kids and put them to bed and be there for them.

He continued: “I could not be a provider because I wasn’t working. I couldn’t even be a steward of the land because at times I was too weak to prune all the trees during the window that you’re supposed to prune them.”

Van Der Beek went on to explain that he struggled to grapple with coming up with an answer to the question, “Who am I?”

“So I was faced with the question that if I was just here to be a too-skinny, weak guy, alone, in an apartment with cancer, what am I?” the Dawson’s Creek alum reflected.

Ultimately,  Van Der Beek came to the conclusion he was still worthy of self-love despite his life circumstances changing.

“I meditated and the answer came through. I am worthy of God’s love, simply because I exist. And if I’m worthy of God’s love, shouldn’t I be worthy of my own?” he said.

Van Der Beek first revealed his cancer diagnosis in November 2024.

 “I’ve been privately dealing with this diagnosis and have been taking steps to resolve it, with the support of my incredible family,” he explained at the time. “There’s reason for optimism, and I’m feeling good.”