Mysterious ‘East Hampton Clown Massage’ wellness spoof has East Enders in giggles

Add this to the circus that is the Hamptons summer season.

An anonymous prankster—or a group of them—has launched a wildly elaborate parody that ribs “wellness” culture with clowns.

The service claims to operate in tony East Hampton and has a cheeky website with photos of clowns giving massages on the beach, merch and spoof celebrity endorsements.

“East Hampton Clown Massage” claims to offer “a variety of… clown-based healing modalities in a warm, inviting environment.”

But Bobo and co. want to be very clear that they’re not up to any funny business. “All services are strictly non-sexual,” it says.

Whoever is behind the hoax are no Bozos — they clearly know their Hamptons lore.

For example, there’s a testimonial from “Lizzie G., socialite and Mercedes owner” — a clear reference to PR maven Lizzie Grubman, who infamously drove her Mercedes into a Southampton nightclub crowd in 2001.

Supposed treatments include “Scream, Tummy Tickle, Laugh” and “Joeky Reiki Bakey,” which includes “Hands-off intense energy healing involving cannabis ingestion (joint) and Joeky’s best dad clown jokes to relieve tension.”

The site is even selling fake products like the “sold out” clown make-up remover for $250 and tee shirts with their logo.

The brains behind the circus include “Joeky,” a supposed Duke grad, “Le Ecole de Clown Massage alum,” and a thought leader in crypto currency.

Under Joeky’s hobbies it lists: “Makes perfect scale replicas of The Taj Mahal and Yosemite National Park with balloons. Owns three Tesla Cybertrucks.”

Then there’s “Giggles,” who brags about an A-list massage clientele that includes “Gywneth P., Scarlett J., Billy J., Kid R. and Billy Ray C.”

In his spare time, “Giggles” claims he “Counsels sad clowns, DJs children’s parties,” and “hits the party scene at The Surf Lodge,” which is Montauk’s hottest spot for A-listers.

“Krusty” meanwhile claims to be “a huge proponent of plant medicine, including Ayahuasca.” “Krusty has facilitated healing retreats in the Amazonian rainforest in Brazil, Nosara (Costa Rica), Sayulita (Mexico) and The Villages (Florida),” it says.

The mysterious creators have gone so far as to mock up a Vanity Fair interview with “Joeky” with the title “Don’t Rub It In!,” which includes what appears to be an AI-generate picture of a clown posing on stage with John Mayer and Bob Weir.

The fake article includes quotes about “the integrity of the brand,”  private jets to Sun Valley, Aspen and Malibu and a description of the clown sipping a “Colostrum-infused adaptogenic green juice smoothie.”

Sources in the Hamptons have no idea who is behind the joke or to what purpose, but do think it has been done by locals given their local knowledge.

Page Six reached out to the site’s contact hoping to reveal the identity of the person behind the white face paint, but instead we got an in-character reply from “Joeky.”

“We think clown massage is indeed a high art form as well as providing clear benefits for physical, spiritual and mental well-being, especially in these chaotic times,” he said.