Drake Bell Recalls ‘Scary’ Moment of ‘Not Recognizing Myself’ Before Coming Forward with Sex Abuse (Exclusive)

Before he decided to come forward about his sexual trauma, Drake Bell nearly went down a dangerous path as a result of his experiences.

In PEOPLE’s exclusive look at his appearance on Monday’s episode of The Man Enough podcast, the Drake and Josh star admits that his recent forthcomings about suffering abuse as a child star was “very scary” but “very freeing.”

Last month, Bell came forward as a survivor of sexual abuse in Investigation Discovery’s new series Quiet on Set: The Dark Side of Kids TV. The Nickelodeon alum opened up about the abuse he endured at the hands of the network’s dialogue coach, Brian Peck, which occurred over six months when he was 15.

Despite being “in the fire” and the “thick” of the hubbub around his admission, Bell says that public scrutiny feels “nothing compared to how I have felt in the past.”

“The more that I’m able to talk about it, and the more that I’m able to articulate my thoughts just for myself, in my own mind, there is a big weight that feels has been lifted and is freeing,” he explains, though the trauma is something that will be with him for the rest of his life.

Bell also shares how his experiences motivated him not only to tell his story but also encouraged him to seek help in “rehab.” He adds that he sought help for his issues with “self-medicating” as well as behavioral changes triggered by his trauma.

“[I] was not recognizing myself,” he says, noting that his behaviors and actions were “just so out of character for not just who I want to be or who I want the world to see me as but who I know I am and how I know myself.”

The “I Found a Way” singer recalls thinking he could “go down this path and that’d be the end of my story” or stand back up and “fight for what is important to you and your life: to fight for your family, to fight for your relationships, to fight for yourself, and to finally be at peace.”

Elsewhere on the podcast, Bell also addresses his past allegations of abuse. In June 2021, he pleaded guilty to a felony charge of attempted child endangerment and a misdemeanor charge of disseminating matter harmful to juveniles after allegedly sending inappropriate messages to a teen girl in 2017. The following month, he was sentenced to two years probation and 200 hours of community service. He was also prohibited from contacting the victim.

The Amanda Show star acknowledged that his behavior was not “a moment of weakness” and claimed that his past abuse wasn’t a justification for his actions. He said that he “shouldn’t have been texting her in the first place” and acknowledged that there was a “power dynamic” in place.

When Bell’s revelations about his sexual abuse came to light, so did his previous controversies and the identity of the then 19-year-old victim. Now that she’s received hate on social media, Bell asks his fans to “absolutely 100 percent stop” and “do not go on the attack.”

“That is not the best way. If you’re feeling that that’s a way to defend me or to be in my corner, that is not the correct way to go about that,” he says, asking his followers to support him through “love and compassion” and being there for “other survivors.”

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With emotion growing thick in his voice, Bell shares that he feels a “physical reaction” when he believes that other victims may be “feeling that same pain or feeling” that he once endured from his abuse.

“That just doesn’t sit well with me,” he admits. “It brings up all of my pain and then I feel that. I don’t want anyone to feel that and so it’s really hard.”

Quiet on Set: Breaking the Silence premieres Sunday, April 7 at 8/7c on ID. Quiet on Set: The Dark Side of Kids TV is now streaming on Max. Bell’s interview on The Man Enough podcast drops on Monday, April 8.

If you or someone you know has experienced sexual abuse, help is available. Call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673 or go to the NO MORE Global Directory at nomoredirectory.org to find support.